I think it's fair to say this is a common feeling lately.

Hi everyone. 

The construction on the house wrapped up in November, about a week before thanksgiving. In January, when it got to be single digits out, the pipes to the kitchen sink froze because they were run through an exterior wall instead of punching directly down into the basement. The p-trap wasn't screwed to the PVC that runs to the sink tightly at all, so it was constantly dislodging itself until I bought a pipe wrench and got in there myself. The washing machine motor blew out and we had to replace it. Today the air conditioner in my car stopped working and it's the hottest day of the year so far, it simply doesn't blow any air and I hope it's just a fan motor or electrical problem.

I've watched some great TV and played some great Video Games, but I've been so exhausted from just existing as a queer person in 2026 that I haven't had the energy to write about them. The speed round is that you want to watch Transaction, Pushers, Guy Montgomery's Guy-Mont Spelling Bee, and play Rubato & Mr. Sleepy Man. I bought one of those Asus Rog Ally X's on ebay and installed CachyOS on it and turned it into a backdoor steamdeck. It has an Xbox logo on it. It's very funny that you can do this and am currently playing Mina the Hollower. 

I find I'm bouncing off the news panel shows like Mock the Week, 7 Days, and Have You Been Paying Attention because I just don't want to hear about the people in charge being awful in all the awful ways they are. I want to sleep for three days straight and wake up feeling normal for once. I need to direct my free time into a creative outlet again, I still have all these uncommentated Yakuza 0 videos. It's taken me so long to get here that RGG Studio has started falling off. I want to re-teach myself how to make music. When I was in my early 20s I knew how to fuck around with FL Studio and create magic. I want to do it again. I want to read more books. I want to exercise. I want to throw my phone in the ocean and run into the woods never to be seen again.  

I want to stop worrying about myself and the people I care about. I want to fucking BREATHE.

So, to this end, I am here to remind myself it is pride month. I've known I was gay since I was like 16 and in 2021 I realized I was non-binary. Sometimes you have a moral imperative to be a faggot, especially as you age. In 2005 there were no queer elders. You'd basically never see transgender men or women at all, let alone a gay man older than 40 (much to my dismay, as I've always had the hots for older men). I must exist so that anyone who comes after me knows what their options are. If they don't choose my particularly complicated flavor of queer, then that's OK, but it might give them the tools they need to find who they are and what they do want.